Parents Must Guide Their Children Through The Grieving Process
Overcoming the hurt and anguish that follows in the aftermath of death is hard enough for emotionally experienced adults. For children, the grieving process is dark new territory, often fraught with conflicting emotions and frightening thoughts.
Parents share the responsibility of helping their child deal with their grief and emotions in a healthy manner. In most cases, this involves monitoring the child’s behavior and putting themselves forward to help the child understand what they’re feeling.
Honesty is the best policy.
Parents sometimes tend to distort or soften the reality of death by sugarcoating its condition. But telling children that a loved one “went to sleep” or “had to go to heaven,” no matter how well-intentioned, is ultimately detrimental. The child may become afraid of sleeping (believing they might not wake up) or wonder why the loved one can’t visit from heaven.
While it’s possible to still be sensitive and understanding of the child’s confusion, parents should take every measure to make the child understand the reality of the situation.
Put the death in terms children can understand.
Older children are usually better equipped to understand causes of death. In such cases, parents can even explain the cause of death if they believe the child is capable of making sense of the illness or accident.
Many parents face the problems of getting children to understand that death is permanent. Children sometimes see characters “mysteriously” returning to life in pop culture entertainment, and in their confusion may wonder why their loved ones are not similarly capable of coming back. But parents should reassure their children as much as possible, while remaining honestly (though compassionately) candid about the reality of the situation.
Include children in the grieving events.
Children should be allowed to take part in funerals, wakes, and other memorial services as soon as they are old enough to not risk a disturbance to the event’s solemnity. The children can learn that, despite death’s frightening aspects, there is a sense of continuity and sharing that continues after the farewells – that life does go on.
By letting the children participate in the grieving, it also shows them that their feelings are not out of place or unusual.
Finding additional help
There will be instances when a parent’s guidance is not enough, and mothers and father shouldn’t hesitate to bring in outside assistance. Children will sometimes feel more comfortable confiding in a neutral role model (such as an adult cousin or uncle) or authority figure (teachers, ministers, or guidance counselors) to help them make sense of their emotions.
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